


Not Good Enough

by RaisinOatmealCookie



Series: Sanders Sides One Shots [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Good Friend, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Gen, Insecure Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Insecurity, Self Confidence Issues, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28534395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaisinOatmealCookie/pseuds/RaisinOatmealCookie
Summary: ***Vent Fic***Roman is trying his best (but his best isn't good enough)
Series: Sanders Sides One Shots [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2088165
Comments: 3
Kudos: 38





	Not Good Enough

Roman looked at the checklist in front of him. He had a painting to finish, and a song to write, and several video ideas to finish making. It needed to be all done before he went to sleep, and based on Logan's suggested sleep schedule, that would be in 30 minutes.

Of course he wasn't going with Logan's suggested sleep schedule for optimal performance or whatever. Just like every night, he was going to stay up until he was finished, no matter how long it would take him.  
Then again, there were occasional days where he physically couldn't stay awake any longer and fell asleep before finishing. But that always ended in an awful lot of self depreciation, and he didn't want to go through any more of that than he already had from simply existing. So coffee was a best friend of his.  
Logan and Patton always told him to go to sleep when they caught him up this late. Logan with his ranting about how, "a lack of sleep leads to inability to complete even the most basic of tasks throughout the day" or whatever, and Patton claiming that he needs to take care of himself. He would try and explain his dilemma but they never listened. Just constantly, "no, go to sleep. You can work on your projects in the morning."

Once he decided to try. He laid in bed for hours and couldn't sleep at all. Just when he thought he was getting tired, his thoughts would come in and start telling him that he was worthless and would never amount to anything, which while he completely believed that, he didn't need to be reminded.

Virgil, on the other hand, seemed to understand why he would stay up until the sun rose to finish his work. He'd come and sit in comforting silence, bringing coffee and snacks. He understood when Roman explained that he needed to get his projects done before going to sleep because if he didn't reach his deadline then he'd feel unreliable and worthless.

Virgil would also always offhandedly tell him that he's not. And while the anxious side didn't realize it: those small, not obvious affirmations and validations meant everything to him.

Not that it would always help how Roman felt about himself, but it was still nice.

Even when he did his job as Creativity, working on his creative endeavors, he still felt like he wasn't doing enough, that his work wasn't good enough, that he wasn't enough. 

He felt like he could be doing so much more for the world. Contributing more and better pieces of art to the universe.

But no. He would just sit there looking at his work trying not to cry or get physically sick over how much he positively hated it. Over how much he hated himself.  
So it was 9 pm, and Roman was staring at his checklist instead of actually doing anything on it. Well, he wasn't staring at the paper, more staring into space and that just happened to be in the direction of the list. A knock on his door brought him out of his trance. He sighed before saying, "Come in!"

Virgil walked in, carrying two mugs of coffee. His was plain white with a silhouette of a black cat (a birthday gift from Patton), and Roman's had a picture of the rose from Beauty and the Beast. 

"Hey there, Princey," he said, placing the warm mug on the desk next to Roman's papers. "How's the work going? Need anything?"

"A will to live, maybe?"

"Sorry, dude, I don't have one, let alone one to spare."

Roman took a sip of his coffee. It was sweet. Three tablespoons of sugar, just how he liked it. "I've got a lot of work to do."

"You could ask for help every once in a while."

"V, while I think you'd do an okay job, only I can see my artistic vision."

"Alright."

So Roman continued working.

~~~

Roman woke up to see that he was in his bed, prince outfit still on. He tried to recall what happened last night but was too tired to remember. So he sunk out of the room and went to Virgil's. 

"Virgil!"

Virgil appeared in front of him. "What?"

"What time did I fall asleep?"

"Like, 2?"

Roman's eyes widened as he started to remember. He was only halfway through his projects. Not at all close to finished. "No, no, no, no," he kept repeating. "I had to present those to the group today! You shouldn't have let me sleep!"

"I tried to wake you, but you're an awfully heavy sleeper."

"This is a disaster! Why am I such a disappointment!?"  
"You're really not disappointing anyone other than yourself."

"Yeah, and that's bad! I need to stop being a pathetic idiot and get back to work."

"Or you could take-"

Roman shook his head. "I'm not taking a break, Virgil. Seriously, you're getting as bad as Patton."

Virgil just nodded. "Alright. You go back to your room and finish. I'll bring you breakfast when it's ready."

"Thank you. So much. If the others ask where I am, tell them I'm sleeping."

"Okay."

So Roman went back to his room to work, scribbling words on paper, occasionally checking his list to see how much he had left. He was working for about an hour before there was a knock at the door. 

"Door's unlocked!" he called, scribbling the paper in front of him.

"You know what Logan was just telling me?"

Roman looked up at Virgil, who was standing in the doorway, the two coffee mugs in hand. "What?"

"If someone doesn't take breaks, their work isn't as good as it could be. You can't reach…" he cleared his throat and stood up straighter momentarily, "optimal performance levels."

"Well, what does Logan know?"

"A lot."

"So, what, now you're with them on their whole, 'Roman, your health is more important than your work' thing?"

"What? Roman-"

"No!" He got out of his chair, standing up on shaking legs. "I've told you all before, and I thought that you understood!"

"Roman, you're not worthless just because you don't finish one or two projects! And you will finish eventually, so stop beating yourself up about it."

"I take breaks. A lot of them. More than I'd like. I come out of my room to watch movies and-"

"You need a break. A real break. You can take a whole day off."

"A day? Absolutely not. I haven't been creating enough things as it is, and you want me to throw a whole day of work out the window?"

"Princey, you know we don't care if you're late for presenting a few things."

"This isn't about you all!" Roman snapped, talking with large hand gestures as if it would get his point across better. "This is about me and-"

"And your insecurities," Virgil finished.

Roman froze and dropped his arms back to his sides. He hesitated before beginning to speak again, voice sounding calmer. "So, I'm insecure, big deal. That has nothing to do with this, though."

"It has everything to do with this."

And those words- those absolutely true words- hit Roman like an arrow to the chest. He could feel tears stinging his eyes as he fell to his knees. Virgil kneeled down in front of him and gave him a comforting hug, which Roman returned.

"I'm supposed to be the prince, Virgil, the brave prince who loves himself. Who can make the most amazing things out of thin air and everyone loves and-" he stopped to let out a sob. "I'm not supposed to hate myself, I'm supposed to-"

"Roman, listen to me. You need to breathe for me. In for four." Roman inhaled for four seconds, held for seven, and exhaled for eight, just like Virgil told him. It only helped a little. "Now, I don't think you can keep working in this state. I can turn on a movie until you feel a little better. Your choice."

"We can- can we watch Beauty and The Beast?"

"Alright, Princey."

**Author's Note:**

> So, as I said in the summary, this is a vent fic, but I wrote this months ago. While I still deal with feeling like I don't do enough, and what I do isn't good enough, it's getting better. (And here's hoping it gets better for Roman, too, am I right?)
> 
> Well, I hope you all enjoyed! Let me know how y'all liked it. 💜 ~Aberdeen


End file.
